“You what?” he asks. “Nope, why?” you mean he’s back. A typical dialogue between couples when it comes to the topic of feelings. The roles can swap perk.
Still, it is often men who struggle to talk about their emotions, so the opinion of a psychotherapist Josef Aldenhoff. It’s a cliché that nothing of Truth, so Valeska Riedel.
The family therapist from Nuremberg stresses that there are indeed differences in communication: “women had in the ancient times, more opportunity and space to talk, men were more likely to act.”
Not only the nature of the communication, the emotions themselves have an evolutionary component, explains Alessandro Cavicchioli.
“People have a bond of desire, you want to be with someone, care for,” says Psychological therapist and Chairman of Baden-Württemberg, the German psychotherapists Association.
Feelings or thoughts?
The sense of life is formed in Childhood, so Aldenhoff. Babies try to make contact with the most important reference persons.
According to Riedel this is not part of the truth: “We have a lot of Practice to really talk about feelings.”
You mean especially the language and With our words, we claimed our soul to communicate life, would do it.
“Often women think that you are talking about emotions, what you are expressing, but your thoughts,” explains Riedel.
An example: “I have the feeling that…”. Exactly, these rates can result in allegations and accusations. What, in turn, produced a defensive stance on the Opposite side.
Gallery: 20 things that have witnessed couples, together, must
“Feelings you have to perceive for the first time,” notes Aldenhoff. Then it is necessary to analyze and to Express. “This is not at all self-evident.”
Problems arise mostly when a Partner is dissatisfied or something completely different than the other. What then? You should not try desperately to change the Partner, advises Riedel.
The one who wants to talk more, you can initially talk about himself and his Feelings.
“The question is whether it is expected that the other does in the same way. It is not so that everyone has to chat with the same richness of vocabulary about it,” is Aldenhoff concerns.
Motivation is key: I Want to know something, because I want to be in control, or because I was the one interested?
The two had very different relationship models, explains Cavicchioli – a of fear of a marked, positive effect of curiosity.
Therefore, he advises, to make yourself aware of what you want to do and what is the need – and then try the others. “Feelings are warnings on met or unmet needs,” explains Riedel.
Therefore, it is recommended to ask that on the own need will be addressed. Then the Chance is higher that the Partner will react to it.
Anyone who wants to develop as a Couple, together, need patience, openness and time.
Just be silent
Cavicchioli proposes a post-work Ritual, for the case that a Partner had a bad day and wants to tell.
It should make clear that the Partner or the Partner is just to listen – if you don’t want any tips from him or her, but only consolation.
“Don’t talk too long, take a break,” says Cavicchioli. One of the essential elements of the listening is not rate – and rates are going to be let. Or sometimes share a silence.
Because not everything needs to be discussed and discussed to death. “Feelings of life that shows you. You don’t need to talk at any time about this or have a check list”, is Aldenhoff concerns.
In order to come to Feel, recommends that Riedel to do something about it. Whether it’s a walk in the woods or a common Sport, no matter – it is going to make a shared experience and to bring the head to a standstill.
Even Kissing could be, for example, for couples with good access.
Deutsche Presse-Agentur (dpa)
*The contribution of “feelings talk: How important is communication in a relationship is published” is of FitForFun. Contact with the executives here.