{"id":118821,"date":"2023-10-03T20:11:23","date_gmt":"2023-10-03T20:11:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogcamlodipine.com\/?p=118821"},"modified":"2023-10-03T20:11:23","modified_gmt":"2023-10-03T20:11:23","slug":"ask-amy-wedding-funds-hinge-on-hair-color","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogcamlodipine.com\/world-news\/ask-amy-wedding-funds-hinge-on-hair-color\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Wedding funds hinge on hair color"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy:<\/strong> I am a 30-year-old woman. I\u2019ve been with my fianc\u00e9 for almost seven years.<\/p>\n

When we first met, my hair was platinum blonde. Now that I am a hairstylist, I enjoy playing around with my hair color and have come to love dark blue.<\/p>\n

I’ve been blue for a few years now and it didn’t seem like a big deal.<\/p>\n

Yesterday, my fianc\u00e9 broke the news to me that his parents are refusing to pay for the wedding venue if my hair is anything except my natural color.<\/p>\n

I was completely taken aback.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a laundry list: They don\u2019t approve of my tattoos, my recent weight gain due to some serious health issues (I had discussed my health problems privately with his mother), and that I’m not making as much money as I should be (hairstylists are struggling right now because we\u2019re in a recession)!<\/p>\n

This family has been loving toward me this entire relationship, and all of a sudden I\u2019ve found out how they really feel.<\/p>\n

I feel completely crushed.<\/p>\n

They were too cowardly to talk to ME about their objections and instead, put their son into a tough position. I\u2019m angry.<\/p>\n

His mom has been extremely apologetic to me (through text), but I honestly don’t want anything to do with them.<\/p>\n

My fianc\u00e9 feels the same way.<\/p>\n

It’s to the point that we’re about to elope without telling anyone.<\/p>\n

Is it wrong of me to stand my ground and say no to his parents?<\/p>\n

I appreciate them helping out with the wedding, but I don’t want the help if they have stipulations.<\/p>\n

I need some insight from an outside source, thank you!<\/p>\n

— Feeling Blue<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Feeling Blue:<\/strong> First, you should review your fiance\u2019s motivations for repeating these things to you, and determine whether these unkind assessments reflect only his folks\u2019 views. (He could have kept some of these comments to himself.)<\/p>\n

You may think that your future in-laws should address these complaints directly to you, but I think they should keep their multiple opinions about you entirely to themselves.<\/p>\n

Unless you are unethical, dangerous, or in an unhealthy relationship with their son, there is simply no legitimate reason for them to share any negative views about you to anyone.<\/p>\n

Surely they knew that your fianc\u00e9 would tell you at least some of what they\u2019d said. Tying their financial support to your hair color virtually guaranteed this.<\/p>\n

Given that they\u2019ve opened the floodgates, I agree that you and your fianc\u00e9 should re-plan your wedding to one that reflects the two of you and which you can afford.<\/p>\n

His parents have some work to do to repair the hurt they\u2019ve caused. In my view, this would take more than texted apologies.<\/p>\n

I hope you will be open to their efforts to make things right, but the burden is on them to do so.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> For the last 19 years, my husband and I have hosted out-of-town guests (my stepson and daughter-in-law) for the entire Thanksgiving week.<\/p>\n

I am now 77 and my husband is 81 years old.<\/p>\n

We are tired.<\/p>\n

While we can still handle Thanksgiving dinner, the prospect of having guests the entire week is exhausting.<\/p>\n

These guests see the week as their \u201cvacation,\u201d and my daughter-in-law, who is 60 years old, has never made a turkey in her life, so she has no clue as to the amount of work involved.<\/p>\n

We have been told that they will be visiting again for the entire week this Thanksgiving. How do we handle this?<\/p>\n

— Exhausted and Worn Out<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Exhausted:<\/strong> Your question is one of dozens I\u2019ve received over the past few weeks, all on the same theme: How to pull the plug on holiday hosting.<\/p>\n

Please — be completely frank with this couple. Tell them you\u2019d like to cook and host dinner, and suggest a nearby place to stay so you can still spend time with them without hosting them at your house.<\/p>\n

Offer to show your daughter-in-law your turkey technique.<\/p>\n

And now, a public service announcement to families: Review your holiday habits. Ask your aging or elderly parents and family members if the regular holiday routine works for them. And — please \u2014 give them a break.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> Although it is hopefully obvious to adults, you might have reminded “Teen With No Experience” that by postponing sex, she does not have to worry about pregnancy, STDs, emotional turmoil, etc.<\/p>\n

— RJ<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear RJ:<\/strong> Chastity does postpone (but does not always avoid) the stress and turmoil that inevitably follows.<\/p>\n

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

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